Angela and Danny's Journey

I am so discusted with myself, I am bigger than I've been in over 3 years! I just cannot stop eating! It seems the harder I try to cut back, the more I eat! I pack my house with fruits and veggies but instead opt for high cal stuff. I tried eating lean cuisines with veggies for a filler but than turn around less than an hour later and eat the most fattening thing I can find in the house! I am just so out of control and I am really trying hard to change but it seems the harder I try, the worse I get! I really need to figure something out, I have got to stop this!

Well yesterday I went back to dance class, I was so out of practice I had to go back to the basics though, so I'm starting from scratch! Kinda unfortunate but I guess thats what happens. Today I went to the gym and worked my butt off, I finally got back to my old routine but it wasn't easy, I'm beat! Well anyways, I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Well, last night I didn't make it to class but I went out with Danny and a friend. This friend of mine happens to be really skinny and I am super jelous of her. We spent all of high school competing for guys and she always won! Shes single so we took her out to meet someone and 2 or 3 guys walked up to us and asked us if we were single, I said "I'm not, but she is" and they all walked away! They didn't want her, they wanted me! I am very happy with Danny but sometimes its nice to know that being skinny isn't everything!

Well I know I haven't blogged in over a month, I gained all the weight back I lost, and I left some people wondering if they'd ever hear from me again. I went to several doctors to find out what was wrong with me and just got a diagnosis this Monday, simply a viral infection. No high blood pressure, no diabetes! I'm still not recovered 100% but I think I might go to dance class tonight for the first time since December. I haven't been going to the gym because all I can do anymore is ride the bike. I might not even fair out too well in class but I miss my friends! Congradutions to all the MPM winners! So whos still out there anyway? I still log in everyday to check things out, I just haven't been typing! I tell ya, I have been eating nothing but junk food I know its bad, but its sooooo good! I just can't seem to get back on track. I wish I could afford to go to a place like the Biggest Loser Ranch for awhile, I think that might be the only way I'll lose this last 25 pounds! I really hope I'll be inspired in class tonight! I'm really going to try to start posting again because I think It really kept me motived, hearing all your kind words of wisdom. Everyday I tell myself I'm going to eat right and exercise and it just hasn't been working out. I'm also thinking of getting a healthy, good cookbook, LIke the Biggest Loser Cookbook, because I lost weight and I can lose weight eating salads and veggies for weeks at a time but thats not satisfying after awhile and I turn back to the junk food. I need to do like the chef says and learn to make healthier versions of my favorite food so I don't go back to "junk" food! I mean I'm not a really "bad" eater I don't set in front of the TV and eat bon bons, bags of potatoe chips or cookies. But I am Mexican and Italian so I eat alot of carbs and rich foods. I have atleast 1 large flour tortillia and I'd say about 1-3 cups of cheese a day! I love cream based pasta and of course pizza. My biggest American weakness I would have to say is Hot wings! For the past month, thats what my diet has been, Mexican, pasta, pizza, and hot wings! I have been eating so much of it, the night before last I actually got sick of mexican food, I only ate a couple bites and I was done. Than last night I got sick of pizza, I was done after 2 peices! Anyways, I plan on trying to get back on track! Good Luck to all of you still out there, let me know how you have been!

I stiil don't feel well, constantly tired and still no awnsers! All I know is my sugar is up and down, I have sugar in my urine, my blood pressure is up and down, and my liver enzymes are high. But still no diagnosis. I went to see a new doctor last week twice. The second day I saw him I wasn't feeling well at all, I felt so horrible I cancelled my visit with my son because I was afraid I was going to pass out while we were alone and I have never cancelled a visit!  Sure enough as soon as I got in the doctors office I did pass out, when I came to he told me to see my phsyciatirist. He told me its all in my head! So even though I don't feel well I'm second guessing myself, could I be the one making myself sick? Is it really all in my head? If it is just in my head why is my blood work so messed up? I went to see another new doctor today, he told me if I'm tired I should sleep, but I can't sleep my life away. The only thing I can think to do is to test and push myself. I'm going to try to stay awake for as long as possible durring the day and make myself go to the gym. I'm also going to try eating right again. I really let my diet go the past few days, the least I can do is try to eat right!